my life

Haihz today, i have a bad news for myself, my spine is causing my bones on the hips to expand and if this continues, i might be on a wheelchair for life. Health problems and now this? what the hell is wrong with me and my life? Damn there are many problems and now my emotions are running wild exams coming up, this and that and love? what the hell?

i forgot the sense of love anymore, i dont know how to differentiate love anymore whether it is a friend love or something

i went to a friends party yesterday, no one talked to me until one guy started talking and asking me about my life and it felt gr8 though, i got to chat and end up playing in the gang although they were younger than me, they were still ok wid me because i aint that old neway. i saw one of my old classmates but we never really talked because i know the fact that i am different from her in some ways

for instance i dont go out at night even though i want to so i can know more people and interact but then Family again haihz it really suffers quite alot you know looking at your friends, your close friends all going to have fun whereas when you ask to go out for late night outing you aint allowed to go and if you are allowed you are also restricted to some place.

Why do people feel sad of breakups? did they lose anything from it? perhaps they do lose things physically but mentally it prepares you for the future that lies ahead dont it?

Think about it!! you know how to minimize the feeling of another breakup and just go back to the way you normally live. One more thing, why do you distance yourself from your Ex? i mean if you two just broke up because of normal breakups? they know you the most and can help you and will help you in any means necessary

you are dumping one of your hands which could lift you up when you need them but instead you burry them into the deep soil giving them no chance whatsoever in life thinking that they are losers which they are apparently not. instead they are the winners and you are the losers as they would know more about life than you guys who dont appreciate their helping hands.. nothing cant be solved in this world

Love can be solved but it only takes the guts to do so. The past is the past,never look back everyone says that dont they. Then, why in the hell are we celebrating birthdays,national day and all the studies of history.it helps you look back on who you are do not neglect what you have done to yourself. dont blame on others. you are the one who do it and so be RESPONSIBLE for it . WAKE UP

I am no other than all of you, i am a useless bastard living a single life and so on whatsoever, so what i accept it now. and i can only change the situation myself

so BE WITH IT

CIAOS

Love as you all know is one of the most sweetest or the most poisonus feeling in the world.

lets talk about the dangerous part of love

In a puppy love :TIP1 : never be full hearted
                        TIP2 : never be fooled (getting laid)
                        TIP3 : never trust your partner

Secondary stage : 1)love in 70% is good enuff
                           2)can start getting experience
                           3)put some trust in your partner

Tertier stage     :1)be 100% full hearted
                          2)You will get used to it
                          3) Trust your partner ( you are old , no one wants you anymore)

this chart can tell you that humans nowadays care about impression which is a very dangerous factor. For first impression, the human always give the best impression but, the bad things will all come sooner or later. So, why ? are you all showing a good face?

thats why, love those people who isnt that perfect as
no one is perfect in the world.

Alcohol is a thing which can be said as one of the best thing in the world if you know how to get the feel of it. you can have it once in a while in small quantities and better not in large ones because it will make you drunk and get worse as you wont know what you will do.

For example, i got drunk at a christmas party where i eventually tells all the truth things which i dont know what i was talking about until they told me, i was telling the truth
it was one of the most humiliating moments in my life and that caused me to loose my friends.

Actually, by telling you : those who reads my blogs. there is one thing, people who are called KAKI BOTOL : ALCOHOLIC
they end up what they are right now because of one thing…
they want attention, i am telling you guys
like me, i want attention that is why i drank so much and no one really cares about me. i do not know about other people but the attention which people gives me make me feel more visible rather than being invisible all my life and do not know what to do
where to go

i go to the cinema and restaurants as well as the shopping malls all alone by myself

in college, life became more different. i thought it would be like my secondary life
but it totally changed my life. the friends i have now totally opened up my mind and be more flexible and not that emotional as i cant be emotional in front of them at times rather than what i do last time.
writing blogs also makes me feel better at times where people can see or even if they dont see, at least i am brave to say out what i wanna say

everywhere in the world, there are questions and answers all things does have it but it the just that whether you wanna search for the answer and solve it or not, thats all. the love cycle carries the most of this thing in the world. for example,

Q: Why do you love him more than you love me.
A : It is because, i have no more feeling for you

all this thing can be solved and to be known as some people, like me do not know why we got dumped for god know’s how long i think it took me 4 years to realize what actually happened to my relationship

perhaps i have already got my answer of my own but i am never satisfied with it.
ONE MORE THING
APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE!!!
HAVING THE EXPERIENCE IS BETTER THAN HAVING NOTHING

it is 3.00am oledi now, i am still writing this blog since just now. this is the 2nd time i am writing a blog because i dont know what it was before this but now i know, it is a place to share about with everyone i know or even strangers who might be having the same feelings Birthdays, is it any worth to celebrate? it is the day you were born!! (huuuray!!) , think again, it is also the day your mother suffer’s the most (negative) which one would you choose?? For me , i would love to celebrate a birthday which eventually always end up with me and my family and relatives instead of celebrating it with my friends. here’s the problem, no one remember’s my birthday perhaps or maybe they just hate me. There are still sense of jealousy in me which i really annoy myself of having it haihzz!!!.. My birthday couldnt be celebrated because of spiritual believes because my birthday lies just inside the days where the Gates  of Hell are opened where accidents occur inevitably and this made my parents believe that it is not good to celebrate!! another factor is that i know they wouldnt want me to celebrate because it uses alot of costs. i know!!  but at least let me hang out with my friends!!!! i have no much friends because of this as well, not only on birthdays but on other things as well due to restriction of this and that and the humiliation that i suffer what the hell is wrong wit you guys you always say and think you want the best for me but take a look!!! am i happy? no shit i am not happy, not in anything in my life i hate myself, birthdays are meant to be happy for me but you guys just make it miserable,,,

THANK GOD MY PARENTS DONT READ BLOGS!!!

My day today is different from other’s woke up at 10 and reached college at 12.30 after having my breakfast which was eventually free because my uncle was there and he paid for me. Once i reached college, i went to the cafeteria because my friend called me and told me that the 3 gals are there and we met there. we was there for a while before we left for the COMP lab. i was there as a group member and i knew and sense that my existince wasnt very welcomed as i know that i didnt attend an earlier meeting with them as i was not at college during that time. After that, we went to the cafeteria and had the class where i can feel a little bit of loneliness which i had suffered in secondary time coming out again trying to hunt me down because of my attitude, behaviour and emotional control which causes the gap to be deeper and deeper

today, i REALIZE

Money, is it important or is it not? why does everyone care about money so much? whats the use? other than to satisfy yourself with the things you dream for or just to show off to other people to make you feel better?

money is good for everyone but not too much. it will make you greedy.Money cant buy you love nor anything like it no where near to getting love with money

money is a thing which makes people change! as you can see nowadays everything/everyone can be bought with the right price! this is what $$$ have become in all parts of the world even the civilized people !! why??? because of money!!! demand of current needs and fulfilling wants which had been fulfilled before this makes you more greedy. people even sell drugs not only to live a living but to make more money which is definitely WOW!!! but have they think of

LOVE, where has it been? it has always been in the heart but the environment nowadays are just smashing the LOVE word away by the O and installing the I into it making it LIVE where LOVE is going to be said as  bye bye as long as the greed of the human to live exists. Everyone has love in the heart!

Please! stop all the crime’s, illegal things and so on whatevr you think which can harm anyone in anyhow and make the world a more safer place. People nowadays are becoming more and more afraid of the society and we wouldn’t want such thing to happen on our future generations dont you?

think bout it man

peace off , ciaos

it;s 2.33am here now

i dont know whether should i sleep or not? thinking hell lots of things in life but only the down part and not the positive part, perhaps this is me… no one like me i can understand that no good in anyway especially in confidence… just wondering how the hell am i going to be living till though, i sorta enjoy life but hate it sometimes just like a person whom i know, it is a she

let me say, erm…. i liked her before this but i wont name names okay! she is in the same college with me and we met through a friend and had brunch together where we eventually got together closer but not in the relationship situation. One day i brought her out on a date but then i only know that she has already been occupied. After that date we barely talk i wonder why there is just such a gap between us.

not long after, i knew she broke up with her partner and I felt happy with it thinking that i have a chance but like everytime else, when i wanted to take the step forward, she already has a new bf which eventually end up  being very very intimate and since that time, we never chat. we became just ordinary friends or should i say,hi/bye friends this really hurt my heart though but it isnt that pain after all because this is not the 1st experience i have had over it but i didnt want my college life to be as miserable as my secondary life is

haihzzz thinking and thinking of unnecessacary things are the things i do best. continuing life is just so difficult for an individual like me who live to think i really hate life sometimes especially during my past. I hoep the future that lies forward are better than the past or should i just never moving forward so that there will never be a past…!!!!

love love love

what is love?
is it a feeling or what? idont know what is love anymore in my life
there is love last time but it does not occur anymore
not the same way as it was before a gal i love the most in my life
the angel of my life, i love her so much but ended a sad thing which
eventually hurt me the most in my life
during those years after the breakup
i never cried not even when my grandmother cried but i cried instead of you
the past is the past

i hope that i will never move on so that there will never be another past as all my past
are no good. Now, there is a love
i love her but she dont know i guess
i quite liked her and the more i see her the more i like her
i would like to be straight forward to her but the more i get closer
the more i am aftaid of being rejected where i know i am a reject.

what should i do in my life?
i dont know but then, i know i am living a happy life without thinking of love

will i get my life of my own???
just wondering around and hope that it will come to me one day
as time passes by my feel towards love will change